The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize