I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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