I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
