We're like a lot better than the average bears
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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