I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I forget how to act sober
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
