plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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