I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize