Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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