this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This baby is an asshole
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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