Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
