Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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