We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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