FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
