I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
