At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
