I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You work out of a Hotel?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
