she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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