why didn't you poke me back
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
