Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
