If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
