Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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