The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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