I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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