kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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