yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
