it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
