I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
