You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
