I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize