No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
