great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
