Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
