Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
