Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
