how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize