I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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