Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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