Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
