rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
