Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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