i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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