I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize