I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
