The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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