I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
