I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
