If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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