Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
