This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
