1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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