Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
