I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
