I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
