Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
