last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
