Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this boner is exhausting
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
