never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
