Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize