You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
