i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
