Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
ok first of all what the fuck
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
