I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
