I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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