I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
