It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i black out too much to be "responsible"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
