My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
