She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
