I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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