Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize