U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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