I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize